Kill Me In The Clothes Im Wearing

A Day Off

2006-08-08T18:49:08Z

My Life, is different, but my feelings are still the same. Sitting in one place and only having one thing to look forward to tomorrow-work. I feel betrayed but yet I feel like I have accomplished something, I have a job, I'm going to school, and I'm getting my life straight....but at the same time....there is something so much more that means something to me, my home...There is only one thing that i wish i had...and that is all. it seems that everyday is the same for me...I go to work, I eat and I sit around and watch tv, and to me..i feel like I should be doing something so much more than that. I want to change things, and the way I live.. I hate waking up every morning knowing that I am 300 miles away from my family, friends, and of course the one and only love I have - Brandon. It has been 6 months since I have been gone..and it feels like a year..and to think that I'm probably staying here until school is out...it sucks...My future seems to be the only thing I look forward to...not right now. Everything has a meaning, and I know the one reason why I was...but now..I have no reason. I've been lied to...I was suppose to come home this summer, a promise that my father broke, and not only did he break that promise but he broke my heart and not only heart but everyone else in Georgia that loves me and just wants me to come home. People wait not only people...my family asks me everyday almost " We miss you.....We just want you back....WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME DANII?!!" Do you know how much that hurts me to know that I was the one person that kept so many people happy and not so hurt..and now those people...they are hurt from me. I feel like not only my dad has let me down...but I let myself down, I let all those people down....and that's what means the most to me.Why am I up here? I seem to no longer know...what can I not possibly do down there that I did up here?
It seems every time i try to explain this to my dad he just doesn't care, like its all about him...and never about me. i've done so much for him , i passed school, i got a job for him...and the only thing i wanted in return, he blew off as a joke. why can't he take me seriously...i'll never know. but besides all this...i don't know what i'm going to do. thanks for reading.
love you, Danii

A Big Day

2006-05-08T14:07:47Z

I dont know where today will take me, but i know one thing .....that im not letting anything get to me. i should be going back to counsiling soon. im excited..i really do need some professional help with my problems. my dad has.....some what seemed to gotten better. im proud of him. not long now before me and him will leave this place and i will be home soon. i miss everyone very much . especially my family, (friends) but dont worry ill be back soon and ill make sure i keep my promise to you all. im thinking about quit smoking pot completely and start smoking salvia. i wonder what my dad would get from that....hmmm i need to ask him one weekend. well i got to go . the bell is gonna ring anymin,. love you all
DANII

Sad

2006-05-02T12:49:49Z

Here's my lovely week. My dad checked himself into a rehab...again. He came home yesterday and the only thing i could think about is how long it will last. God, i have sucha horrible headache. Why do i seem to be so sad? no one said life wasn't an easy game to play. I'm just confused, no longer do i have the desire to think about all the bullshit that has happened to me in the past couple of days. I'm tired, tired of the bullshit, the lies, and most of all...tired of getting my hopes up. I don't know what to do, i feel like i need to go to a shrink. and at least for them to give me a pill to numb the pain. im through, through of lies, and being controlled.and right now, deep down inside, the only thing i really feel right now is sad....i want to fucking cry.

It's So Nice

2006-04-24T14:06:23Z

Tomorrow will be a year, and it seems just like yesterday I found out. It's heart-shattering. Everyday that goes by I think of her. It's not in a bad way though, but I see the signs everywhere. Where we've eaten, went places, etc. Even every once in awhile, I just look at the sky and close my eyes, and I see her face. Creepy, huh? It's like where ever I go, she follows. I miss her so much, and evertime I think of what happened to her. I get goosebumps all over. Why her? No one knows, a rebelious young girl with a strong heart a great beautiful dreams, and a writer. who would of thought, that something like this would ever happen, right? no, no one told me anything. to prepare me for fucking this, but look theirs another fucking girl thats gone. so dont tell me isn't doesnt matter dont tell me it dont matter , dont tell me i had three days to get over it, it wont go away. it just wont go away.

Boss D.j. -
There’s a steel train comin’ through I would take it if I could
And I would not lie to you because sunday mornin’ soon will come

When things will be much easier to say
Upon the microphone like a boss dj
But I won’t walk up upon the sea like it was dry land
Boss dj ain’t nothin’ but a man
No trouble, no fuss, I know why..

It’s so nice, I wanna hear the same song twice,
It’s so nice don’t wanna hear the same song twice

Rumors are spreading all over my town
But it’s just stones and sticks,
Upon the microphone is where I go to get my fix

Just let the lovin’ take a hold cuz it will if you let it
I’m funky not a junkie but I know where to get it
No trouble no fuss I know why

It’s so nice I wanna hear the same song twice
It’s so nice I wanna hear the same song twice

Oooee girl
Oooee girl
Oooee girl

Ooee girl and there really ain’t no time to waste
Really ain’t no time to hate
Ain’t got no time to waste, time to hate
Really ain’t no time to make the time go away

So mister dj don’t stop the music,
I wanna know,
Are you feelin’ the same way too?

I wanna rock it wih you-ou girl,
You-ou girl, you-ou girl, oooooo
Mmmmmhmmmhhmmm
Don’t stop

’cuz it’s so nice I wanna hear the same song twice,
It’s so nice I wanna hear the same song twice

Nowadays all the songs on the radio,
They all,
All drive me crazy

NeRVouS BReaKDoWN

2005-12-31T02:48:13Z

I'm about to have a nervous breakdown
My head really hurts
If I don't find a way out of here
I'm gonna go berserk cause
I'm crazy and I'm hurt
Head on my shoulders
It's going... Berserk!
I hear the same old talk talk talk
The same old lines
Don't do me that today
Yeah if you know what's good for you, you'll get out of my way
Cause, I'm crazy and I'm hurt
Head on my shoulders
Going... Berserk!
I won't apologize
For acting outta line
You see the way I am
You leave any time you can cause
I'm crazy and I'm hurt
Head on my shoulders
Going... Berserk!
Crazy! Crazy! Crazy! Crazy!
I don't care what you fuckin' do!
I don't care what you fuckin' say!
I'm so sick of everything
I just want to... Die!

-Black Flag

There is so much shit going through my head right now...i dont know what to believe...are what to accept...its like a meltdown...my mind has collapsed and will take time to put back together..

its so nice

2005-12-26T23:26:16Z

Every day I love him a little bit more,
a little bit more, a little bit more.
Every day I love him just a little bit more,
and he loves me the same.

Every day I love her a little bit more,
a little bit more, a little bit more,
Every day I love her just a little bit more,
and she loves me the same.

Baby if ya wanna get on, baby if ya wanna get off.
It makes no sense at all, I saw red. I saw red. I saw red.
One more secret lover that I shot dead.

Every day I wake up, just a little bit more,
feelin' like a dog in the yard because it's just how we are.

And every day I wonder if it's over,
when I wake up I realize no it isn't, and break down the wall.

You say it's black but I just can't believe you.

And if I say it's white say I'm just trying to deceive you.

And baby, I'm aware of the high and the low,
and I'll be waiting in the middle, but I just lack control.

Baby if ya wanna get low, baby if ya wanna get high.
It makes no sense at all, I saw red. I saw red.
One more secret lover that I shot dead.

Girls don't go crazy, girls don't go crazy, oh girls don't crazy when the men use you.

Women hold your men tight, if it makes you feel all right,
It's your own life.

SAW RED - Sublime

So, i wake this morning...tired...i called jasmin and shes not home..and then i decide to call kat,i think she left a message on my phone but i dont remember. i wanted to hang otu with ehr today but i never heard from her today . Hopefully tomorrow i can get ahold of her and me and her ccan hang out. i was smoking today and brandon was calling me but i didnt feel like talking to him and have to explain stuff . but its allright ,. i didnt do anything wrong i was just smoking. but he got so pissed at me because i turned my phone off. i told terrie about it and she said it was bullshit and that it was stupid that he did that but all guys get pissed at stupid shit. i couldnt fight with her on that one, yes he whole fact he got mad at me was total bullshit but hey hes a guy. they talk a lot of bull shit now dont they?

Foolish fool

Crazy crazy
Crazy fool
Crazy fool

If she thinks that she is gonna dispose my world
I’d be a crazy crazy crazy -- crazy fool
Crazy fool

My love for you was oh so strong
We went together for oh so long
If I don’t complain about this misery yah
Is this the way love’s supposed to be,
Supposed to be now
Foolish foolish
Oh you just a foolish girl

Ohhhhhhhhh foolish foolish
Oh ya just a crazy girl

If she thinks that she is gonna take you from me
Gotta be a crazy crazy crazy -- crazy fool
Crazy fool

SUBLIME - FOOLISH FOOL

so later on im passed out on my bed and i get a call back from brandon, and he was all like "yeah i was pissed ealreir" like he was trying to get a point across/ i said nothing, obviously it was a waste of time to fight ack with someone pissed off at you for no reason.it wouldnt do any good and better yet it would have probably just pissed him off anymore. i wish i could be with my friends right now ..i miss everyone ...terrie, kat, jasmin, mindy, everyone. i miss them so much and now its like there always busy doing stuff..and im the only one thats always being bored..i used to always be at kats of at jasmins, becaused they lived so close and now kats always busy and gone and jasmin is just about the same.and me...im always looking for something to do. * sigh* i really need to get out of the house..i hope they call me tomorrow so we can hang out or something. i really do miss them alot.

What else?
Anything Else?

Mary! Mary!
Mary! Mary! Mary!
Saw Red!
Mary!
Slow Ride!

Fuck!

You don't even realize
How long it's been sinse
I played any of these songs, like...
Well, I guess, you know, some of them, like...

Saw Red [? maybe "s'all right"?]

They all sound like this...

Roots of creation...

Baby one breath away
I'll find the words to say
I'll sit and light the bong
I'll hold my hit in real long
I don't know if I can
Go up inside of you tonight
Oh Mary baby,
I could do it right

You've heard the line before
Oh Mary baby please don't think that I'm a whore
If you come home with me,
Turn off the lights and lock up the doors,
And start getting busy
I don't know if I can
Go so way up inside you tonight
Oh Mary baby,
Please don't fuss and fight

When we got to the pad
Mary baby started calling me her dad
And she gave me head
We could not find the damn bed
Fifteen years old plus one,
Hotter than a microwave oven
Oh Mary baby,
Your daddy is coming home.

(cheers and applause)

My place, is not a home
Don't make no difference
But I've found,
That I need a place to stay
Though disease was just the price I paid

Big Salty Tears
Is what I taste
As I drive
Past your house
Tonight
And all those break lights
That are in front of me
They make me
Want to get on tonight

This is a Ziggens song by the way

I'm at the age where I realize
The liquor store won't bring you back
I must be gettin' old
I'm at the drive-thru
And I'm making my face
All fat fat fat fat fat
Big Salty Tears

I'm at the age where I realize
Nothin' actually
Just do what I'm supposed to do
$2.17
Next window please please please please please
Big Salty Tears

Sublime - mary/big salty tears

i went ot brookes house later on today and hung out with her for a little bit, on my walk over there i've notcied how cold it is..it makes me think. the temperature always is changing one day its freezing and then the next its cold. and just when we get use to this coldness it turns spring and then we feel so hot and when it turns summer....there is not even a breeze, no wind at all. it sucks...well i guess im going to go do some cleaning i really need to clean up .so ill talk to you all later. love you all - peace- danii

There’s a steel train comin’ through I would take it if I could
And I would not lie to you because sunday mornin’ soon will come

When things will be much easier to say
Upon the microphone like a boss dj
But I won’t walk up upon the sea like it was dry land
Boss dj ain’t nothin’ but a man
No trouble, no fuss, I know why..

It’s so nice, I wanna hear the same song twice,
It’s so nice don’t wanna hear the same song twice

Rumors are spreading all over my town
But it’s just stones and sticks,
Upon the microphone is where I go to get my fix

Just let the lovin’ take a hold cuz it will if you let it
I’m funky not a junkie but I know where to get it
No trouble no fuss I know why

It’s so nice I wanna hear the same song twice
It’s so nice I wanna hear the same song twice

Oooee girl
Oooee girl
Oooee girl

Ooee girl and there really ain’t no time to waste
Really ain’t no time to hate
Ain’t got no time to waste, time to hate
Really ain’t no time to make the time go away

So mister dj don’t stop the music,
I wanna know,
Are you feelin’ the same way too?

I wanna rock it wih you-ou girl,
You-ou girl, you-ou girl, oooooo
Mmmmmhmmmhhmmm
Don’t stop

’cuz it’s so nice I wanna hear the same song twice,
It’s so nice I wanna hear the same song twice

Nowadays all the songs on the radio,
They all,
All drive me crazy

Sublime - boss d.j

well...

2005-12-02T23:41:34Z

i just looked up my old friend ally's livejournal....i made me sad...i dont know why....it seems that there isnt a day that goes by the i dont thnk about her...and soemtimes i wonder....does she ever think about me...o dont know...i loved her...she meant so much to me..and i was...i dont know...i miss her...besides that..everything has been going ok. i was sick today and yeah well..i was sick..talked to brandon today and he was workign in the yard,,,wow,,i really havent updated in so logn and this i must say must be my lamest journal entrie so far...anyways i just just wanted to update my journal in memory of ALLY

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|||| ||| |||| |||| Ally Harbuck - April 24,2005
*not a day goes by when im not thinkin of u.*

eh

2005-08-18T02:29:44Z

the one day i feel like things change..me and micheal are friends again. i come home feel ok. and then brandon calls. i answer the phone and tell him how micheal comes to see me . he got mad.......he doesnt want me to ever get back in the car with micheal again...and yet i want to hang out with micheal i dont want brandon to get mad..and i dont want to go behind his back..i dont know what to do..i really dont. im so confused...what should i do????? i dont know what to do..oh my god...

My Song To Micheal

2005-08-17T22:07:24Z

Emery
The Ponytail Parades

three sleepless nights
this isn't how its supposed to be
but you are so good at taking your time
to get back to me
i will wait for you forever,
if you would just ask me
i thought that i could change you
but you changed me
but it doesn't feel right
holding someone else's hand
together on phone line
and living at two opposite ends
its scares me to think that you could find takers other than me and better than me
but you're head is elsewhere and im talking enough for both of us
when will you see it's not so easy for me
your careless and whispered insulting and bruising
and i thought that you said
things were improving
these laces are untied
but my feet are still walking away
(i fall from you eyes, your eyes i trusted, you said forever)
i never thought that you could say these words
is this really happening?
i never thought that you could say these words
is this really happening?
(don't say...)
i never thought that you could say these words
is this really happening?
(don't say that we can...)
i never thought that you could say these words
is this really happening?
(don't say that we can still be...)
i never thought that you could say these words
is this really happening?
(don't say that we can still be friends)
erase my name from this page
how can you take all these days (what is inside of me what have i done)
and tow them away (is this the only way that you will notice me)
as i sit here waiting for you (dead words for closed ears all this is sung for you)
i stay upnights (if you are still pretending this is what's right)
until stars leave the sky (why cant you look at me can you only see)
knowing what my dreams can take away ( sides, your side, can take away)
walk away from me this night is done

I listened to this the other day, and it reminded me of micheal. how he might see things. and in the same way how i see things. im sorry micheal . smile..for me...

Me and Brogan situation

2005-08-16T23:41:29Z

it seems to be that me and micheal will not be talking for a very long time. i guess i really offended him this time. i really dont know what i did. but i know that he wasn't very happy with me when he told me he didn't want to talk to me anymore. so please just dont mention micheal in front of me anymore everybody. i dont want to forget him. but it does hurt for me to think about him. and in most of the people eyes i see at school...reminds me of him....thank you everyone.......bye.

Badfish

2005-08-09T01:45:12Z

Sublime - Badfish

LISTEN TO THIS SONG IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME....no one understands

When you grab a hold of me
Tell me that I’ll never be set free
But I’m a parasite, creep and crawl I step into the night.
Two pints of booze
Tell me are you a badfish too? are you a badfish too?
Ain’t got no money to spend
I hope the night will never end
Lord knows I’m weak
Won’t somebody get me off of this reef

Baby your a big blue whale
Grab the reef when all duck diving fails
I swim but I wish I’ve never learned
The water’s too polluted with germs
I dive deep when it’s ten feet overhead
Grab the reef underneath my bed
It’s underneath my bed
Ain’t got no quarrels with God ain’t got no time to grow old
Lord knows I’m weak
Won’t somebody get me off of this reef

Ain’t got no quarrels with god. ain’t got no time to get old
Lord knows I’m weak
Won’t somebody get me off of this reef

last entry

2005-08-01T20:07:00Z

This is the last entry i am going to write in live journal. not only that but the last time i will talk to micheal and every otrher person who is in this shit. i fucking cant take this shit anymore. this shit is fucked up. i have been insulted, offended the whole nine yards. and i really dont fucking what people think. im just so pissed off write now im about to explode. im sorry everyone i have to end this. bye- Danii

p.s. - micheal dont call me anymore.

a new start...

picture

2005-07-29T05:44:57Z

god i just found this picture of me. weird..

Back

2005-07-25T01:06:20Z

I'm back from Georgia finally. it seems like everyone is moving on with things. micheal seems to be happy...and has met a new girl...im happy for him. he needs someone whos better than me..and obviously she is.....and donnie told me about him and terran , i hope things work out for him and her. im so glad everybody has found someone. i am so sorry mike for not calling, my message you left on my cell got erased and i got back to georgia so i wouldnt have long distance calling anyways.
i was planning on going to the concert but it seems mike has some new girl that i assum he likes so yeah. i mean......i guess what i want from him..is to be happy...and even though he was happy with me i think he deserves a lot better. i mean....i did get jealous when he was talking about that girl but i guess its for the best. he deserves someone that will make him happy ...and doesnt do drugs.

my sister had her baby , its a boy. and im a aunt! im so happy. i see it as the most beautiful baby in the world. until i can have mine lol. anyways im so happy for her.

me and brent are like really close friends now. its really weird, i mean hes going through a lot of stuff right now and i guess im like the only one he has right now. i mean....to actually be there for him and two others i know about. but for some reason i feel im the only one he really talks to about his relationship problems.i just want him to be happy.

i've hanging out with a lot of my older friends from south than my friends from north. i mean i actually think its better for me. because terrie is going through a lot of shit right now and i seriously dont want to get involved with it, but as a friend...i must be there for her through thick and thin.

I was thinking about commenting mike on some of his journal entrys but i decided not to. i think it would be better to not try to say much to him.....to at least make him happy. i dont think i make him very happy anymore.

i think going to north carolina was i good idea for me. i see things a lot different now. i mean im actually thinking all the bullshit is over, well i mean i know its not over but it's improving. and thats all i want to see right now . ... im thinking of not righting journal entrys on livejournal anymore and start putting them on myspace because i dont think livejournal is very secure. i dont knwo i guess i just dont trust it...and like anyone reads these journals of mine anyways....except someone...

i have very exciting news and yet upsetting news. i dont think i can tell anyone and i dont think i want anyone to know. not even kat knows........i think people will just flip out on me and everything will go bad again.

sooner or later though i will post this news, but until i know for sure i know that some people have moved on with their lives.....thats when i will say.
until then i must go and update a lot more on stuff. later - Danii

Im actually updating...wow..

2005-07-18T23:26:51Z

ok, there is just so much to say and so little time. im having such a greater time in north carolina then i did in georgia. im just so confused there is so much to say.i really dont know what to do about donnie. i mean i like him as a friend and i would love to be his friend but i dont think i could actually be with him...i just want to be alone right now i need space i need some time the think things out because i have fucked up so much shit. what should i do? im a 14 year old girl with like 5 guys on my back telling me they love me. well i have stoped talking to like 4 of them. i want to still talk to mike because i have hope in us. you know? i really to like him but i dont want to get into things right now. i guess i could say he has met me in a very bad time in my life. you know? i haventtalked to brandon in a while im kind of glad i dont really want to talk to him . i'd like to talk things out with donnie but im usually always busy when he calls, and then he gets all pissed off just because i can't help . i hate my life so much/ i really do . i cant help it sriously .. i hate everything about me but out of it all it seems everyone else loves me . i guess i just need some time to find out who i am. because right now. i have no idea who i am really. and to all the people who know who i am. i would like to know who i am so please tell me. it seems like everyday i grow apart from everything around me. i hate this god.! i hate myself so much and i know thats immature. but if you were in my situation. you would hate me too. im such a bitch.....but i guess you guys dont want to here me piss and moan about my probnlems. its always about your problems. fuck you guys. fuck life and fuck everything that evolves around it. i guess you could say im a very emotional chick. i dont know, like anyones actually going to read this. the only thing i can think about right now is that i hate my life and wish there was someone to actually be here for me with out being so attached to me. i need a friend. i need a friend i can hold me and let me cry in their arms. and out of it all....i just get taken advantage of. well i guess im going to go i really dont want to write about this anymore. love you all. lata.

Another Hell, Another Day

2005-07-08T17:37:46Z

i guess maybe i just bitch alot but ihae so many emotins happening at once. i had a great day yesterday then i have ever had.it started off waking up and wiping the smeared eyeliner from crying the night before. i get dressed and go to brookes and we chill i love going to her house.. then me and her go to terries house.and we did what we did and then bean, marie,and brandon show up. it was so great to see brandon...and actually talk to him..i miss him so much...but i doubt anything would ever happen again..then when they left , brooke left and me terrie and mindy did some other stuff. and micheal called me a lot ...trying to comeover or telling he was getting a ride to see me...i think he finally gave up. i meandont get me wrong i liked micheal but i dont want to get to involved with him...its just not a good time for me to havea relationship. and for a guy to tell me they love without knowing me for so long...that is really strong words. maybe im crazy, maybe im the stone cold bitch that everyone hates. it doesnt matter.....because not everyone is going to like you and not everyone is going to want to meet you or to love you or maybe just like you. all i know now is that im living a life where it goes nowhere. maybe its just ecause its the summer and that school is out or maybe its something else. its like one minute im happy and then the next i feel like complete shit. i REALLY dont know what to do anymore and im sorry to everone who read this and got upset. - Danii

mMhMm

2005-07-06T02:20:50Z

Anyways, I have been feeling a lot better ever since July 4th not the minute i woke up , but when Kat called. Her mom picked me up and then i went to Kats house. All day we looked for pot. well i called bean, and he said he could get us some, and that he was at brandons house. so me and kat go over there and, it was so weird being in front of brandon out of all the nights where i thought about him. and how i use to think of ways to upset him. i sighed. me and him are cool now and i guess friends. me and marie talked a couple of days ago for like 2 hours and it was great we talked about the weirdest shit but it was great. i have been so blazed this summer. anyways. well we left brandons house empty handed but later on me and kat met up with bean and bought a 20. but of course i always get a little extra. anyways we went to the sand plant and smoked a blunt and a couple of bowls and went swimming. then we went back to kats house and smoked more pot and went swimming. then we got out, got dressed smoked some more pot and then went over to ziggys house. there we ate food and smoked some more pot. then we back to kats house and hung out and ended up smoking acouple of more bowls because we were pissed because we lost the keys to kats car. so i decided to go to sleep. then the next morning i woke up and smoked a cigarette and three bowls. then we went to ziggys to eat some food and went back to kats house to smoke a blunt and then go swimming again. then we got out and got dressed and smoked some more. then we went back to ziggys, ate more food and went back to kats in the rain to watch harold and kumar go to white castle then i had to go home so by then my high wore off and i decided to write this journal. well i must go. later - Danii

Just like old times

2005-07-03T17:50:09Z

To start things .....
I have been very upset and sad about micheal leaving.....and it was very stressful for me to let him go...
i had been thinking before he left that....how i wouldnt be able to stand being with him when i can't see him..i cried.then i went to terries house to get stoned and think it ouT. later on he called ...and i was wasted..and that made me feel so bad.....and i told him that i didnt want to be him during the long distance relationship because...it would be hard..i didnt want to hurt him..and he said he was fine..but i could tell in the sadness in his voice , he wasnt fine.after the call...i was so upset. i felt like i had just did the worst thing ever in my whole entire life. then later on when i was feeling the worst..donnie shows up..and then "wants to talk to me about me and him " when i knew right there and now that i wasnt in any condition to want to talk to him. then he startedtalking and actually cried in front of me..and made me feel even worse than what i did.then i cried again while he was doing something. then he came back and shoved a lot of shit in my face , asking why i dont want to be with him. and i told him the i didnt want him and that i just broke up with micheal. and he asked me if i wanted to be with him and i said i did but hes gone....and he said then what do you want and i told him i didnt know and then he started bitching at me a lot more. and i got very pissed and upset and i started shaking really badly and chained smoke the rest of the night. there is just so much stressed upon me and i dont know what to do about half of . i dont know what to do right now. but all i did do is right this stupid journal entrie and think a lot of shit out. well im gonna go...later.-Danii

Back

2005-07-01T01:37:05Z

OK, I'm back form North Carlina finally. i had a great time. i dont remember much but that is because everything went so fast. i met so many people while i was up there . me and jessica and jessica roberts got drunk at least everynight and i smoked a lot too.i think it was the great, since it kept me occupied while i was separated from mike for so long anyways. i still haven't gone to the beach yet and i feel like im about to die of going. i want to go sooooo bad. i really missed everyone. i want to see kasie, mindy, brooke, terrie, kat, jasmin, and most of all mike. i read what he wrote about me on livejournal...he said he loved me. it made me smile. i actually never saw it coming but its great. i can't wait until he moves back from Jacksonville, i just hope he'll be back before the summer is over because i want to spend as much time with him as i possibly can.anyways well im going to call Jasmin so im gonna bounce. later. - danii

Past day or..night

2005-06-23T21:10:23Z

Hm, i waited pretty much all night to talk to mike because i felt like i couldnt sleep if i didnt talk to him . so i waited he finally called at like 5 o clock in the morning and i was in the shower. ( yes i take random showers like around 3 o clock in the morning) anyways he left like a message on my fone and it was pretty cute and i felt like i had to call him back so i did. then we talked on the fone for like hours it seemed like..until my fone went dead then i called him back on my cell fone.and told him to call me around twelve. surely that he called and i was asleep and didnt hear the fone ring. but then he called back around one and i finally heard it . i talked to him pretty much off and on . he stoped by last night to see me and we had our first kiss, i t was grea tyou should of been there to see it.....like larry did lol. j/k. anyways, yeah i was so happy to see him last night and i seriously did not want him to leave but i also didnt want to get in trouble so i had to. i went to brookes house to day and chilled with her for like 15 mins and headed back home.
I'm suppose to go to my dads house today and leave Sat. to go to North Carolina. anddont get me wrong i am going to love it up there i get to see some old friends and shit like that but i am really going to miss micheal and all my very close friends. but yeah. instead of staying at my dads tonight i think i might just go to kats and like try to go to a movie with mike. i want to see him SOOOOOO bad before i have to go , ill like explode or somethign if i dont. but yeah. im waiting for him to pack stuff up and stuff. i dont know why but i want some Arby's really bad. i think im going to try and get my dad to have lunch there .
Kat came by the house today and stoped by why i was packing up and she seems like she really wants to hang out and i really want to hang out with her. it seems like a month since i have seen her. which is kind of weird because i use to spazz out if i didnt see her in a minimum of two days. so yeah its kind of different. but i seem ever since i moved and she ot a car and etc. that im glad we arn't so close. i mean yeah i missed hanging out with her all the time....but after a while i noticed that we were pretty much blindly getting sick of eachother. but anyways.
I LOVE EVERYONE AND I WILL MISS EVERYONE! i will call pretty much eveyone everyday just sothey know im ok. because like kat and meranda and so forth they know my past with my dad ...and it wasn't realy good and the fact im going to be with him for like a week......well lets just say it's a scary thought. lets just be glad i dont have a gun or anything like that. because im sure in the past time when i have stayed with him i would of like shoot myself or something.but anyways....im still deciding if i want larrys subs or Arbs...they are both so good...and i want both...but then again i havent had Arbys since school has been out and i use to eat arbys at least 2 a week...so maybe i should eat there for a change.

I feel like everyday me and mike are getting closer, and i find that a really good thing because i have had any doubts about this relationship at all...and every other relationship i have had this year i have doubted. i think the only that was serious was with howard and after he got way into drugs..i just thought there was no hope.
anywyas, im really happy for a lot of people. i feel kind of bad for brooke because me and her were like always the single ones in the group together and we were so proud of it..and now that i have a boyfriend...she feels so lonely. and when im gone this week shes going to be even more lonely because iwont be able to walk to her house everyday and talk about a lot of shit and stuff. not to mentoin her birthday is on monday and i was so up to like surprising her with a birthday wake-up and writing her a song on bass and shit like that but a lot of stuff has gone by and i have been pretty busy. i pretty much already written her a song, but it like all in my head i need to write it down. maybe on that 3-4 hour journey to N.C. i can copy it down and sing it to her on her birthday lol. i know it sounds weird but thats what she wants me to do. which also kind of freaks me out but i love that girl to death you know?

then i wanted to go to kasies house today wecause i thought it would of been a lot easier to see mike but she doesnt have any transportation so.....it wouldnt really work out and i dont want to end up going there and something happening ....its just i dont like to go over there because of certain people. and the problem with guys hitting on me all the time over there and shit like that and i know if i go over there im going to get drunk and im not going to ruin this relationship with mike because i think i would have to like runaway and never let anyone see my face again or something . it would just be a horrible thing to think about and i dont want to lose mike. i think i am really really lucky to be with him and he thinks the same about me. i really to tell you the truth dont want him to go to Jacksonville, but i know it is for the best so i have to just live with it.but yeah i got to go. my dad is on his way and i have to get a lot of shit togethe rand sutff . i lvoe you guys. later . DANII

Early Day

2005-06-23T00:00:04Z

My great day started with a fone call from micheal. i smiled.. i dont think i can get enough of him. anywhere i go i think about him and how im going to see him. he suppose to stop by tonight. i really hope so i want to see him before i have to go to my dad tomorrow even though i might see him tomorrow as well. I went in the kitchen and there was no coffee made, i got a little mad.....but then i thought about how micheal was on the fone and restrained my anger and made a pot of coffee....and didnt drink hardly any of it lol. I was on my way to Brookes house, til i saw micheal curtis and boomer coming from the oppisite way. i talked to them for a couple of mins, and bumed a smoke from boomer and kept walking. I got to brookes house and the dfirst thing she did was smile. she then gave me a hug and said " i thought it was you!" lol. we talked about a lot of stuff. she can tell i like micheal a lot. because everytime i talked about him i had this smile on my face. me n brooke decided to go to my house and chill for like an hour.on the way i stoped at chris's house to see what was up....he was pretty pissed off last night after i told him about donnie. so yeah he was like talking some weird stuff. but yeah he had like all these cd's and i decided to go back to my house to burn them. i got to my house and burned two of the cds and me and brooke walked back to give them to him and walked back to brookes house. We decided to eat some canned pineapple and some ¿celeri?(<- i dont think anyone knoes how to speel that shit) lol anyways, we ate that and smoked alot and chilled out and watched a movie. I was a little bummed out because i wanted to see micheal at brookes house while i was there to peirce his lip but i dont think ill have time today. but its cool, i think im seeing him later on tonight. hopefully, i really want to. hm...well there isn't a lot that happened today but i did clean the hosue and now i have to do fuckin laundry and stuff so yeah. later - Danii

Kasie's house and the surprise visit

2005-06-21T22:53:26Z

OK, where to start. I'll start off with yesterday afternoon before i went to Kasie's house. I ate a great dinner with my loved family and then i was off. I got to Kasie's house and someone was there.....Chris...I don't have a problem with Chris but I don't realy trust him. Me and him have had our time.....but out of it all, I didn't really want to see him, I think it was because I said someone else on my mind. Me and Kasie sat around and watched homevideos of her when she was like 4. It was so cute I wanted to keep them.lol. Then Mike called and said he was on his way. At the time I wasn't sure what time it was and when it would be possible to see him but i didn't care , i wanted to see him and out of it all he stoped by. He gave me a few things which was so sweet of him and i got a picture of us. i think the picture could of been redone but it didn't matter to me, as long as i had a picture of me and him. I'd show it to you guys but im not quite sure how to do that yet. After Mike left, Chris stayed for a couple of mins and then left to go home. I was glad there was no reason i should of felt comfortable in his presence. After he left I kept thinking about Mike and was wondering if he was going to call me tonight. I realy did want him to but he didnt. which was ok....i'm sure he had a lot on his mind. Well, Kasie's neighbor Ben came over and we all watched porn and i smoked the rest of Ben's K.B. When I got smoking Kasie tried to get me to help her look for some alcohol but i was kind of out of it, but i tried to help. Then Me and Kasie Decided to watch Jackass the movie and play skateboarding videogames.( which i admit is lame and stupid ) lol. I started at 11 , with a whole pack of newports and ended the night with none. It made me so mad this morning when i woke up because i wanted a cigarette so bad, so i smoked a black n mild instead. Then i ended up going back to sleep and waking up with two bronco cigarettes :( which is gross, because i believe bronco are like the grosses cigarettes anyone could put to their mouth besides Doral. eh. Well, I finally got dressed and so forth and decided to hit the road. Anyways...i was waiting on a fone call. Out of it all, i have had a pretty good time. I saw the one person i wanted to see, and i had a great time too, but until tomorrow. I'm out. Later. - Danii

A Short Day

2005-06-20T23:58:19Z

I've had a very short day. I woke up at 4 in the afternoon. It was weird. My mom knocked on my door all

worried about me. I think she thought I was doing drugs again. I don't mind that shes worried about me

though. I mean it's good to know someone cares about you. I weighed myself today and saw i have lost 5

pounds in like a week,it was kind of weird too.

Brooke called me at like 11 in the morning and I felt so bad because I told her I would meet up with her

to bum a smoke from her, and like I was pretty much a bitch when she called, but it wasn't her lost. I got

what I deserved...nothing.

Then, Kasie called wondering what I was doing today. While I was asleep, I told her to call me later.

Finally I woke up, and like 5 mins later Kasie called back. I talked to her for about 10 mins about what

we were going to do today because I wanted to hang out with her...but I also wanted to see Mike . ( but i

didn't tell her i wanted to hangout with him). About 15 mins later Mike calls me up asking whats up, and i

was happy because i didn't think he was going to call.

I really do think if he didn't talk to me last night and keep me company I would of like lost it or

something. Since me and Donnie got in a fight. ( which i'd rather not talk about because i respect him and

promised him i wouldnt tell anybody). but anyways, I really hope to see mike tonight. He suppose to stop

by Kasie's house tonight to come see me. I really hope hes seriously coming to see me, it would make me so

happy.

If only he knew how much he makes me feel. I can't really explain it but Jasmin said she understood. I

feel that me and him will become pretty close.

Anyways, I think I'm doing a lot better, and made a right desicion about Donnie. I think if I never met

Mike. I would of made the worst desicion of my life. It's hard to explain, because none of you know what

I'm going through right now. But thats how bad things were going. I looked at my sides today to see if the

scratches are healing, they're doing better but it will be a little while before all the bruises heal.

I hate to have marks on my body ,they remind me of bad things in my life, and the consequences i get for

making the wrong desicion. Because lets face it, lately i haven't been makeing a lot of good desicions,

but i do think i have made one good one (to call mike).

Kasie seems to be having some trouble, i was plaining on getting drunk with her tonight. But if mike does

show up i dont want to make a bad impression. but i might just have a couple of shots, which wont hurt me

at all. If anything i need a few shots.

Me and Jasmin have seem to have became real close. We talk to eachother pretty much everyday now. We use

to hang out like all the time. So its kind of like old times , but we have to be a lot more careful because

her mother like always has her eyes on jasmin. And second....i dont want to make her parents think im a

bad influence.

I talked to Brandon the other day. He was so shocked that I called. He kept telling me that i was so

pretty and shit. which was the wrong thing to say with me. I mean we didnt even officially break up, he

just decided not to bother me anymore but stop calling and think it was over. he said the only problem

between us is my age. i mean hes 17 years old. yeah there is a 3 year age difference so what? but i really

don't want to get caught up in my past like i was.

I mean i wasn't really happy. not that i am now... but thats because im alone. and to not be alone takes

time unless you want lust. and i dont want that. i want

love. i know that i have my whole entire life to find the one person i love and that i havent even been

through half of my life. but to think about how happy i would be....and to not feel so bad...i would love

to be in love right now. to spend the rest of my life with one person....makes me feel so great.

Well I pretty much wrote about everything that has happened in the past 4 days . lol. i guess ill talk

to you all later. love you all .

- Danii

Updating

2005-06-20T06:39:20Z

OK, my ear offically hurts right now. lol. its aiight though ill live. yeah i had a pretty rough day. i don't even think i want to talk about it. i think the only thing that made me feel happy was talking to mike. hes so sweet. anyways, i dont know what to do about a lot of shit. i just need to slow down and stay calm. i guess so much stuff has just happened at once. i've been really tired and i havent eaten very good. *sigh* i dont know what to do. i mean i try to eat and i try to sleep. but i seem not to. and its weird after i talked to mike a ate like pretty much half a hamburger(which is a meal to me) and i haven't ate a whole meal in at least 3-4 days. and now that i have finished talking to him....i think i could actually get some sleep . well im gonna go i have so much i need to update on. night. - danii

CONCERT

2005-06-18T03:46:30Z

OK, i had a great time at the band concert and if you didn't go then your not cool. anways i met this really cute guy there. he gave me his number and i gave him mine. i hope he calls.hes really kool. im so tired right now because i just there at like 3 watching ezra practice. and then like crazy people just started showing up. i saw people i havent seen in like wo years. i was pretty happy. anyways,i saw a lot of friends i haven't seen since school ended and i made a lot of new friends. i had a great time. but like i only got 3 smokes left. which bites. but it doesnt matter, i just bumed off of mike the whole night :)
well there is so much to say, but i don't even know where to start. all i know is that i ahd a great time and that im up for the next concert which is tomorrow,. i hope i can go i really want to see the show :( if only i had a ride. ill find one. well i got to go. love you guys. -- danii