My Life, is different, but my feelings are still the same. Sitting in one place and only having one thing to look forward to tomorrow-work. I feel betrayed but yet I feel like I have accomplished something, I have a job, I'm going to school, and I'm getting my life straight....but at the same time....there is something so much more that means something to me, my home...There is only one thing that i wish i had...and that is all. it seems that everyday is the same for me...I go to work, I eat and I sit around and watch tv, and to me..i feel like I should be doing something so much more than that. I want to change things, and the way I live.. I hate waking up every morning knowing that I am 300 miles away from my family, friends, and of course the one and only love I have - Brandon. It has been 6 months since I have been gone..and it feels like a year..and to think that I'm probably staying here until school is out...it sucks...My future seems to be the only thing I look forward to...not right now. Everything has a meaning, and I know the one reason why I was...but now..I have no reason. I've been lied to...I was suppose to come home this summer, a promise that my father broke, and not only did he break that promise but he broke my heart and not only heart but everyone else in Georgia that loves me and just wants me to come home. People wait not only people...my family asks me everyday almost " We miss you.....We just want you back....WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME DANII?!!" Do you know how much that hurts me to know that I was the one person that kept so many people happy and not so hurt..and now those people...they are hurt from me. I feel like not only my dad has let me down...but I let myself down, I let all those people down....and that's what means the most to me.Why am I up here? I seem to no longer know...what can I not possibly do down there that I did up here?
It seems every time i try to explain this to my dad he just doesn't care, like its all about him...and never about me. i've done so much for him , i passed school, i got a job for him...and the only thing i wanted in return, he blew off as a joke. why can't he take me seriously...i'll never know. but besides all this...i don't know what i'm going to do. thanks for reading.
love you, Danii

I dont know where today will take me, but i know one thing .....that im not letting anything get to me. i should be going back to counsiling soon. im excited..i really do need some professional help with my problems. my dad has.....some what seemed to gotten better. im proud of him. not long now before me and him will leave this place and i will be home soon. i miss everyone very much . especially my family, (friends) but dont worry ill be back soon and ill make sure i keep my promise to you all. im thinking about quit smoking pot completely and start smoking salvia. i wonder what my dad would get from that....hmmm i need to ask him one weekend. well i got to go . the bell is gonna ring anymin,. love you all
DANII

Here's my lovely week. My dad checked himself into a rehab...again. He came home yesterday and the only thing i could think about is how long it will last. God, i have sucha horrible headache. Why do i seem to be so sad? no one said life wasn't an easy game to play. I'm just confused, no longer do i have the desire to think about all the bullshit that has happened to me in the past couple of days. I'm tired, tired of the bullshit, the lies, and most of all...tired of getting my hopes up. I don't know what to do, i feel like i need to go to a shrink. and at least for them to give me a pill to numb the pain. im through, through of lies, and being controlled.and right now, deep down inside, the only thing i really feel right now is sad....i want to fucking cry.

Tomorrow will be a year, and it seems just like yesterday I found out. It's heart-shattering. Everyday that goes by I think of her. It's not in a bad way though, but I see the signs everywhere. Where we've eaten, went places, etc. Even every once in awhile, I just look at the sky and close my eyes, and I see her face. Creepy, huh? It's like where ever I go, she follows. I miss her so much, and evertime I think of what happened to her. I get goosebumps all over. Why her? No one knows, a rebelious young girl with a strong heart a great beautiful dreams, and a writer. who would of thought, that something like this would ever happen, right? no, no one told me anything. to prepare me for fucking this, but look theirs another fucking girl thats gone. so dont tell me isn't doesnt matter dont tell me it dont matter , dont tell me i had three days to get over it, it wont go away. it just wont go away.

Boss D.j. -
There’s a steel train comin’ through I would take it if I could
And I would not lie to you because sunday mornin’ soon will come

When things will be much easier to say
Upon the microphone like a boss dj
But I won’t walk up upon the sea like it was dry land
Boss dj ain’t nothin’ but a man
No trouble, no fuss, I know why..

It’s so nice, I wanna hear the same song twice,
It’s so nice don’t wanna hear the same song twice

Rumors are spreading all over my town
But it’s just stones and sticks,
Upon the microphone is where I go to get my fix

Just let the lovin’ take a hold cuz it will if you let it
I’m funky not a junkie but I know where to get it
No trouble no fuss I know why

It’s so nice I wanna hear the same song twice
It’s so nice I wanna hear the same song twice

Oooee girl
Oooee girl
Oooee girl

Ooee girl and there really ain’t no time to waste
Really ain’t no time to hate
Ain’t got no time to waste, time to hate
Really ain’t no time to make the time go away

So mister dj don’t stop the music,
I wanna know,
Are you feelin’ the same way too?

I wanna rock it wih you-ou girl,
You-ou girl, you-ou girl, oooooo
Mmmmmhmmmhhmmm
Don’t stop

’cuz it’s so nice I wanna hear the same song twice,
It’s so nice I wanna hear the same song twice

Nowadays all the songs on the radio,
They all,
All drive me crazy

I'm about to have a nervous breakdown
My head really hurts
If I don't find a way out of here
I'm gonna go berserk cause
I'm crazy and I'm hurt
Head on my shoulders
It's going... Berserk!
I hear the same old talk talk talk
The same old lines
Don't do me that today
Yeah if you know what's good for you, you'll get out of my way
Cause, I'm crazy and I'm hurt
Head on my shoulders
Going... Berserk!
I won't apologize
For acting outta line
You see the way I am
You leave any time you can cause
I'm crazy and I'm hurt
Head on my shoulders
Going... Berserk!
Crazy! Crazy! Crazy! Crazy!
I don't care what you fuckin' do!
I don't care what you fuckin' say!
I'm so sick of everything
I just want to... Die!

-Black Flag

There is so much shit going through my head right now...i dont know what to believe...are what to accept...its like a meltdown...my mind has collapsed and will take time to put back together..

Every day I love him a little bit more,
a little bit more, a little bit more.
Every day I love him just a little bit more,
and he loves me the same.

Every day I love her a little bit more,
a little bit more, a little bit more,
Every day I love her just a little bit more,
and she loves me the same.

Baby if ya wanna get on, baby if ya wanna get off.
It makes no sense at all, I saw red. I saw red. I saw red.
One more secret lover that I shot dead.

Every day I wake up, just a little bit more,
feelin' like a dog in the yard because it's just how we are.

And every day I wonder if it's over,
when I wake up I realize no it isn't, and break down the wall.

You say it's black but I just can't believe you.

And if I say it's white say I'm just trying to deceive you.

And baby, I'm aware of the high and the low,
and I'll be waiting in the middle, but I just lack control.

Baby if ya wanna get low, baby if ya wanna get high.
It makes no sense at all, I saw red. I saw red.
One more secret lover that I shot dead.

Girls don't go crazy, girls don't go crazy, oh girls don't crazy when the men use you.

Women hold your men tight, if it makes you feel all right,
It's your own life.

SAW RED - Sublime

So, i wake this morning...tired...i called jasmin and shes not home..and then i decide to call kat,i think she left a message on my phone but i dont remember. i wanted to hang otu with ehr today but i never heard from her today . Hopefully tomorrow i can get ahold of her and me and her ccan hang out. i was smoking today and brandon was calling me but i didnt feel like talking to him and have to explain stuff . but its allright ,. i didnt do anything wrong i was just smoking. but he got so pissed at me because i turned my phone off. i told terrie about it and she said it was bullshit and that it was stupid that he did that but all guys get pissed at stupid shit. i couldnt fight with her on that one, yes he whole fact he got mad at me was total bullshit but hey hes a guy. they talk a lot of bull shit now dont they?

Foolish fool

Crazy crazy
Crazy fool
Crazy fool

If she thinks that she is gonna dispose my world
I’d be a crazy crazy crazy -- crazy fool
Crazy fool

My love for you was oh so strong
We went together for oh so long
If I don’t complain about this misery yah
Is this the way love’s supposed to be,
Supposed to be now
Foolish foolish
Oh you just a foolish girl

Ohhhhhhhhh foolish foolish
Oh ya just a crazy girl

If she thinks that she is gonna take you from me
Gotta be a crazy crazy crazy -- crazy fool
Crazy fool

SUBLIME - FOOLISH FOOL

so later on im passed out on my bed and i get a call back from brandon, and he was all like "yeah i was pissed ealreir" like he was trying to get a point across/ i said nothing, obviously it was a waste of time to fight ack with someone pissed off at you for no reason.it wouldnt do any good and better yet it would have probably just pissed him off anymore. i wish i could be with my friends right now ..i miss everyone ...terrie, kat, jasmin, mindy, everyone. i miss them so much and now its like there always busy doing stuff..and im the only one thats always being bored..i used to always be at kats of at jasmins, becaused they lived so close and now kats always busy and gone and jasmin is just about the same.and me...im always looking for something to do. * sigh* i really need to get out of the house..i hope they call me tomorrow so we can hang out or something. i really do miss them alot.

What else?
Anything Else?

Mary! Mary!
Mary! Mary! Mary!
Saw Red!
Mary!
Slow Ride!

Fuck!

You don't even realize
How long it's been sinse
I played any of these songs, like...
Well, I guess, you know, some of them, like...

Saw Red [? maybe "s'all right"?]

They all sound like this...

Roots of creation...

Baby one breath away
I'll find the words to say
I'll sit and light the bong
I'll hold my hit in real long
I don't know if I can
Go up inside of you tonight
Oh Mary baby,
I could do it right

You've heard the line before
Oh Mary baby please don't think that I'm a whore
If you come home with me,
Turn off the lights and lock up the doors,
And start getting busy
I don't know if I can
Go so way up inside you tonight
Oh Mary baby,
Please don't fuss and fight

When we got to the pad
Mary baby started calling me her dad
And she gave me head
We could not find the damn bed
Fifteen years old plus one,
Hotter than a microwave oven
Oh Mary baby,
Your daddy is coming home.

(cheers and applause)

My place, is not a home
Don't make no difference
But I've found,
That I need a place to stay
Though disease was just the price I paid

Big Salty Tears
Is what I taste
As I drive
Past your house
Tonight
And all those break lights
That are in front of me
They make me
Want to get on tonight

This is a Ziggens song by the way

I'm at the age where I realize
The liquor store won't bring you back
I must be gettin' old
I'm at the drive-thru
And I'm making my face
All fat fat fat fat fat
Big Salty Tears

I'm at the age where I realize
Nothin' actually
Just do what I'm supposed to do
$2.17
Next window please please please please please
Big Salty Tears

Sublime - mary/big salty tears

i went ot brookes house later on today and hung out with her for a little bit, on my walk over there i've notcied how cold it is..it makes me think. the temperature always is changing one day its freezing and then the next its cold. and just when we get use to this coldness it turns spring and then we feel so hot and when it turns summer....there is not even a breeze, no wind at all. it sucks...well i guess im going to go do some cleaning i really need to clean up .so ill talk to you all later. love you all - peace- danii

There’s a steel train comin’ through I would take it if I could
And I would not lie to you because sunday mornin’ soon will come

When things will be much easier to say
Upon the microphone like a boss dj
But I won’t walk up upon the sea like it was dry land
Boss dj ain’t nothin’ but a man
No trouble, no fuss, I know why..

It’s so nice, I wanna hear the same song twice,
It’s so nice don’t wanna hear the same song twice

Rumors are spreading all over my town
But it’s just stones and sticks,
Upon the microphone is where I go to get my fix

Just let the lovin’ take a hold cuz it will if you let it
I’m funky not a junkie but I know where to get it
No trouble no fuss I know why

It’s so nice I wanna hear the same song twice
It’s so nice I wanna hear the same song twice

Oooee girl
Oooee girl
Oooee girl

Ooee girl and there really ain’t no time to waste
Really ain’t no time to hate
Ain’t got no time to waste, time to hate
Really ain’t no time to make the time go away

So mister dj don’t stop the music,
I wanna know,
Are you feelin’ the same way too?

I wanna rock it wih you-ou girl,
You-ou girl, you-ou girl, oooooo
Mmmmmhmmmhhmmm
Don’t stop

’cuz it’s so nice I wanna hear the same song twice,
It’s so nice I wanna hear the same song twice

Nowadays all the songs on the radio,
They all,
All drive me crazy

Sublime - boss d.j

i just looked up my old friend ally's livejournal....i made me sad...i dont know why....it seems that there isnt a day that goes by the i dont thnk about her...and soemtimes i wonder....does she ever think about me...o dont know...i loved her...she meant so much to me..and i was...i dont know...i miss her...besides that..everything has been going ok. i was sick today and yeah well..i was sick..talked to brandon today and he was workign in the yard,,,wow,,i really havent updated in so logn and this i must say must be my lamest journal entrie so far...anyways i just just wanted to update my journal in memory of ALLY

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|||| ||| |||| |||| Ally Harbuck - April 24,2005
*not a day goes by when im not thinkin of u.*

the one day i feel like things change..me and micheal are friends again. i come home feel ok. and then brandon calls. i answer the phone and tell him how micheal comes to see me . he got mad.......he doesnt want me to ever get back in the car with micheal again...and yet i want to hang out with micheal i dont want brandon to get mad..and i dont want to go behind his back..i dont know what to do..i really dont. im so confused...what should i do????? i dont know what to do..oh my god...

Emery
The Ponytail Parades

three sleepless nights
this isn't how its supposed to be
but you are so good at taking your time
to get back to me
i will wait for you forever,
if you would just ask me
i thought that i could change you
but you changed me
but it doesn't feel right
holding someone else's hand
together on phone line
and living at two opposite ends
its scares me to think that you could find takers other than me and better than me
but you're head is elsewhere and im talking enough for both of us
when will you see it's not so easy for me
your careless and whispered insulting and bruising
and i thought that you said
things were improving
these laces are untied
but my feet are still walking away
(i fall from you eyes, your eyes i trusted, you said forever)
i never thought that you could say these words
is this really happening?
i never thought that you could say these words
is this really happening?
(don't say...)
i never thought that you could say these words
is this really happening?
(don't say that we can...)
i never thought that you could say these words
is this really happening?
(don't say that we can still be...)
i never thought that you could say these words
is this really happening?
(don't say that we can still be friends)
erase my name from this page
how can you take all these days (what is inside of me what have i done)
and tow them away (is this the only way that you will notice me)
as i sit here waiting for you (dead words for closed ears all this is sung for you)
i stay upnights (if you are still pretending this is what's right)
until stars leave the sky (why cant you look at me can you only see)
knowing what my dreams can take away ( sides, your side, can take away)
walk away from me this night is done



I listened to this the other day, and it reminded me of micheal. how he might see things. and in the same way how i see things. im sorry micheal . smile..for me...

it seems to be that me and micheal will not be talking for a very long time. i guess i really offended him this time. i really dont know what i did. but i know that he wasn't very happy with me when he told me he didn't want to talk to me anymore. so please just dont mention micheal in front of me anymore everybody. i dont want to forget him. but it does hurt for me to think about him. and in most of the people eyes i see at school...reminds me of him....thank you everyone.......bye.